Bill's Bored

Today is Wednesday and we move into our new house on Saturday. This means only three more days of commuting on the mess that is I-35W and the Crosstown highway! I have been dreaming of the day when I can just city streets to work, and I can't believe this day is right around the corner.

But I will miss the billboards. Okay not really, but yesterday, for the 1000th time, I drove by the billboard of a guy in his car underneath the heading "PARK CLOSER." The past 999 times this billboard has really perplexed me. What the hell is a "park closer?" Is it the same thing as a closer in baseball? Or was the guy in the car a politician who wanted to shut down all the Minneapolis parks, and this billboard was putting him down?

Then the lightbulb in my head went off yesterday. "Closer" in this context is an adverb, not a noun. The guy needs to park "closer" to the airport, which I drive by on my way to work. And to think my job is to teach other people the art of interpreting double-meanings.

There is also a marquee near our current house that escapes my interpretation. There's an auto body shop on Nicollet and 43rd Street that says:

FREE LOANERS
YOUR FIRED!! [sic]

I get the Donald Trump reference, but can't figure out what the hell this has to do with free loaners, or auto body repair in gerneral. Can anyone else?